Snow Damage

 We've had a lot of snow around here lately, although the warm temps over the past few days are helping make it go away. I had to laugh when I saw a bunch of workers out shoveling the outdoor volleyball court last week, as if anyone could really play in the cold weather we were still having. And of course, the next day we got another four inches - so much for the cleared off court.

As clever readers might expect, some of the snow actually settled onto the roofs of some of the buildings. This highly unusual distribution of frozen precipitation had never happened before and was obviously unexpected by the people who built these buildings. Snow? On a roof? Unheard of!

Naturally, temps rose and fell, things thawed and re-froze, resulting in the icy overhanging configuration you see in the picture to the left. I realize the zoom doesn't fully convey the scale, but we're talking about more than a foot of overhanging icy snow.

You can imagine what happened next. As more and more snow accumulated, thawed, re-froze and slid around on the roof, eventually it just ripped the gutters right off.

Nice! I've always thought gutters were one of the worst designed elements of a house, what with the way they get all full of leaves, twigs, ice, etc. But fortunately, that problem is now solved for this particular building. Now that the gutters are on the ground, they'll be much easier to clean out. Maybe I'll do that at my house too.

I'm just glad I wasn't in the building when these things came down. It must have been pretty noisy...

News

I wrote this post several days ago, before the recent events. Figured I'd post it anyway.

Back in the world, I used to watch the news with Kim pretty much every day. In fact, we'd usually watch two evening news shows, plus the Daily Show (which was always the most informative of the bunch).

But I haven't seen Brian Williams or John Stewart in lo these many days, except for an occasional Daily Show clip on Facebook. I get most of my news from websites, and I flip through a free copy of the Stars and Stripes newspaper once or twice a week. We also have the BBC or Aljazeera on periodically, but with the volume turned down so I don't catch a lot of the details.

Then again, I don't need to watch the news 'cause I'm kinda living it. Stuff that I hear about in the morning staff meeting ends up on the news later that day. Or not... which is a whole other kind of interesting.

There's so much more going on over here than gets reported on TV. Like when the NATO guys go out and rescue Afghans who got trapped in the snow. Or when we arrange for a detainee's medical treatment, then bring his family in to see that he's recovering nicely. Or the humanitarian missions of blankets and food. Or how often our missions capture bad guys with no shots fired. Or the enormous effort we're putting into things like gender equality or civilian casualty reduction. Or even the sports diplomacy.

I've always known the news can't capture the whole story, and any time I've had first hand knowledge of something reported on the news, there have always been things that don't quite line up with my recollection. And of course reporting the news is a tough gig. But it is interesting to be on this side of things and to see behind the curtain a bit.

International Cooperations

One of the coolest things about being here at Camp Cupcake is the diversity of the population. Some places around here (e.g. Camp Eggers) are rather homogenous US Army outposts, but the HQ has more nations represented than I can even count (I think it's 50 or 51).

 

Troops at the NATO Medal Parade

It's not just German, French and English troops -  in ice cream terms, those would be the chocolate, vanilla and strawberry options (German Chocolate, French Vanilla... guess that makes the Italians Strawberry?). We've also got a lot of Romanians, Macedonians, Turks, Malasians, - that's more like Chunky Monkey, Dublin Mudslide, Coffee Heath Bar Crunch and Cherry Garcia - in no particular order.

 

Add to that the Indian civilians who work at the DFAC and it's quite a mix. The DFAC guys from India (and it's all guys, except for the female Australian Warrant Officer who runs the place) get so excited when I say namaste to them. I'm also learning an Indian language called Telugu, in 30-second lessons, three times a day, as I chat with the guy who sits at the DFAC entrance desk. I can say how are you: bhaggannara - and I am fine: bhaggananu. I am very very good is "challa challa bhaggananu."

 

I also learned a Czech proverb today - a million things can kill a donkey. I don't know quite what that means, but I'm sure it's deep.

 

Anyway, it's impressive how well everyone gets along so well in such a heterogeneous environment. It didn't really strike me as all that unusual at first, given my background as both an American and a military guy. For most of my life I've lived, studied and worked with a diverse cast of characters, of all colors and creeds.  But the more I hear about the intense tribalism in Afghanistan, the more I think about the racial tensions in so many parts of the world, the more remarkable and admirable this HQ seems.

 

Sure, I occasionally hear someone say things like "Those guys are incredibly Italian," or "Hide the good cookies so the Germans don't come eat them all," so it's not like we're ignorant of differences between us. But one of the coolest things going on around here is the simple fact that we work together as well so well.

 

In The Dark

Because I'm generally the first one up in the morning - and because I'm a nice guy - I get dressed in the dark pretty much every day.

Well, not completely in the dark. I've got a pretty good flashlight, so that's awesome, but I don't turn the big overhead light on.

That's not as bad as it might sound. I mean it's not like I have to make sure my outfit matches, since it's the same outfit every day (sigh). But one of the things I've done to make my unilluminated mornings a little easier is roll up these little packages of tshirt, socks & boxers and stacked the rolls in my little cubby.

That way, I don't have to fish around in the dark and make sure I've got all my necessaries. Just grab one roll and I'm good to go. And yeah, that's my pistol next to the rolls (sigh again). I'm quite used to wearing it now, a mixed blessing for sure, but I promise, I won't miss carrying that thing around when I'm back in the states.

Just one more peek into the ordinary doings of life over here.

AWOL at the DFAC

A couple weeks ago, there was a conspicuous absence of spoons at the DFAC. Sure, I'd been stealing and hording spoons to sell on the black market, but I thought I was the only one (kidding!).

Anyway, nobody could figure out why they kept running out of spoons. My team and I are early eaters, so we're usually among the first to show up... and even then, we often didn't get spoons. Apparently this was a topic of much complaint and discussion at some DFAC Feedback Meeting of some sort. And then magically, there were plenty of spoons again.

Whew! Crisis averted.

And then the knives went missing.

Yup, for a week or two, we'd go to get silverware only to find an absence of knives. Kinda made it difficult to eat porkchops, ya know? Maybe they melted down knives to make spoons? I don't know. But then the knife situation reversed itself and we've got knives again, no problem.

Well, now we're out of napkins.

Can I just say, AW, COME ON! REALLY? You can't make this stuff up.

In lieu of napkins, they've helpfully placed tissue boxes on all the tables. The boxes are colorfully decorated and nice to look at, but if you've ever tried to use a kleenex after eating BBQ ribs, you know they're not exactly up to the task. The good news is my comedy-war novel is just writing itself.

Don't worry about sending me any napkins in the mail. I'm sure they'll find a new napkin supplier soon. But I fully expect to walk into the DFAC next week and discover they've run out of chairs.

Showtime!

After the New Years Eve talent contest, I got together with a couple of the performers and we agreed it would be fun to do some kind of show. Well, last night we definitely did some kind of show.

It was pretty fantastic. We had 11 performers from 4 different countries... and a packed house. The show was mostly musical acts, although we had demonstrations of salsa dancing and tango dancing, and of course I did some juggling. I was also the main coordinator and MC, so I'd briefly introduce each performer and made sure they all knew when they were up next. I'd initially hoped we'd be able to fill an hour. The show lasted for two hours.

We've got some amazingly talented people around here. Judy, who is from London but was raised in Nigeria, sang a fantastic version of Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You. She really pulled it off. A guy named Mike brought the house down when he sang Georgia on My Mind, and we even had a last minute addition of an Army Colonel who walked in cold and got recruited to sing One In A Million (and had all the ladies fanning themselves). My buddy Nihar from the British Embassy brought his band and totally rocked Hotel California, among other tunes.

I did two sets of juggling - one solo and one shorter set with my German friend Heino. Very smooth, no major drops, and unlike the New Years Eve show, this time I got to tell my jokes and stories, which got laughs at all the right places.

Being on stage was a blast. Definitely a morale boost for the performers as well as for the audience. We're hoping to take the show on the road and do a repeat performance at the British Embassy and maybe at Camp Eggers. I didn't get any pictures yet (turns out my cheap digital camera kinda stinks for this sort of thing), but I saw lots of cameras in action and I hope to get my hands on some pictures. I'll share when I get them.

Decorated Forklift

Saw this forklift tooling around the compound the other day and had to snap a photo. The back of the cab is all tricked out with garland, a Happy New Year 2012 sign, some bells and other festive decorations. It was a whimsical touch in an otherwise utilitarian environment, and it made me smile.

Uniform Decorations

Here at the Joint Visitor's Bureau, our job involves handling logistics (billeting, transportation, security, etc) for incoming VIP's.

We also play a lot of foosball.

So, we decided it would be cool to design our own patch, in keeping with the AF's roll-your-own tradition of squadron patches.

The resulting patch came out looking pretty sweet. The red, white & blue guy in the middle is a foosball player, with a white foosball at his feet. It's a little hard to tell in the pic, but it says Kabul in the red space. And the words across the bottom are our JVB motto (in Afghan national colors - black, red & green): Just Very Busy. And honestly, we are pretty busy some of the time, particularly when lots of VIP's are coming in. And some days, well, some days our foosball tournaments last longer than others.

It would have been even cooler if we'd been able to put a coffee cup into the foosball guy's hands, but I didn't think of that until later. Plus, he doesn't have hands.

Anyway, it's fun to have a uniform that accommodates patches. I should admit it's not exactly authorized in the formal sense... but there's also no reg I could find saying I can't wear it. And in certain situations I'll probably take it off, just to be safe. So far, though, nobody's objected. And if they don't like it, what are they going to to - send me to Afghanistan?

Shopping

Along with the weekly bazaar, there are a few permanent shops on the compound. There's a mini strip-mall-ish place off in one corner, where locals sell jewelry, clothing and pirated movies. The prices are a bit higher than the open-air Friday bazaar but the stuff doesn't smell quite so bad.

Then there are the PX's, run by several different nationalities. There's no US PX here - for that we have to walk over to Camp Eggers - but we do have British, Italian and Danish shops, plus a mystery one whose nationality I can't quite identify.

The PX's all take Euro's primarily (tho they'll take dollars too), and while there is some overlap in what they carry, each seems to have its own unique set of stuff. Different types of cookies and candies and toiletries in each one, of course, depending on the national preferences. Some sell baseball caps and t-shirts, some have postcards, and one even sells wine glasses, in sets of four and sets of six. Not quite sure who's buying those or what they're drinking out of them, since vino is prohibito. Interestingly, I have yet to find a single coffee mug for sale at any of the PX's.

The PX's each have a little cafe or restaurant attached. Chiano's is our favorite - it's the Italian place and it's got great espresso & pizza (though I'm still not used to drinking espresso from a small plastic cup). The hot chocolate at the Danish PX was way better than Chiano's though, while the British hot chocolate was somewhere inbetween. But hey, for 1 euro, I really can't complain.

Stuff I've Seen People Eat

It must be tremendously difficult to make the meals around here. With so many different nationalities and palates to satisfy and so many logistical limitations (shipping, etc), I'm glad they didn't put me in charge of the DFAC.

I've heard complaints that the food is not spicy enough and that it's too spicy... about the same meal. My French buddy was lamenting the lack of French cuisine. There haven't been any Romanian or Croatian dishes either, as far as I can tell. And of course the Americans complain that the food is "too European."

Along the way, it's been pretty funny to watch what peopledo  eat around here, particularly a breakfast. No kidding, I saw one guy with 6 hard boiled eggs on his plate one morning (I counted). I lost track of how many Macedonians I've seen walking around with a veritable mountain of bacon on their plates. Seriously, that can't be good for you.

Speaking of not good for you, every day at breakfast they have these little hashbrown patties. I've eaten two or three since I've been here, and I always feel a little bad about it because they're surely terrible for you. Last week, a guy in front of me loaded up his plate with five of those suckers. Ouch!

And then there's the baked beans. For breakfast. Usually spooned over toast.


Sometimes it gets pretty hilarious. They often serve a vanilla custard that has the consistency and color of nacho cheese. A Navy guy told me he inadvertently put it on broccoli once, mistaking it for cheese sauce. Yum! An Irish Major I know told a story about the time he spooned out what he thought was a bowl of lumpy oatmeal. His first mouthful revealed it was actually sausage gravy. And in case you're wondering, yes, everything is labeled... but apparently some people don't read the signs.

Of course, some of my best breakfasts have involved stuff sent from home (bagels, english muffins, maple syrup, apple butter, pumpkin bread), but there's certainly no shortage of entertainment here at the ISAF DFAC.

Ten Dollars?

I may have previously mentioned that our living facilities are cleaned by some local Afghans. And by cleaned, I mean *airquote* cleaned *close airquote* 'cause things never really get very clean around here. But the guys do mop the floor in the main hallway just about every day. I've also seen them standing around in the bathroom and shower areas, although I can't say I've seen them doing any actual cleaning in those areas and there are scant signs of progress.

Mostly I see them squatting alone in the hallway. Usually quietly singing a little tune to themselves. I have to admit, it's a tad creepy.

Determined to be a nice guy, I generally smile and nod and say hello to whichever cleaner is currently squatting in the hall. Today I thought I'd be a little more outgoing and added a "How are you?" to my greeting.

The guy stood up and shook my hand, and I though how nice, I'm connecting with this guy. Then he said "My wife" and mimed a pregnant belly, adding "Ten dollars?"

Aw, seriously? I'm getting shaken down for ten bucks just 'cause I said "How are you?" And wow, that's a little steep, but maybe he expected me to haggle with him and get down to $5. Back in DC the panhandlers usually just ask for a dollar.

I didn't give him any money and I'm sure there is no pregnant wife at home. But I was really taken aback. Here's a guy with a job asking for a handout. I'm sure we're not paying him a ton of money, but from what I've seen he's not doing all that much work either.

Anyway, just one more reminder that I'm not in the States (and not just because of how much he asked for). I think I'm going to stick with the hello's from now on...