AWOL at the DFAC

A couple weeks ago, there was a conspicuous absence of spoons at the DFAC. Sure, I'd been stealing and hording spoons to sell on the black market, but I thought I was the only one (kidding!).

Anyway, nobody could figure out why they kept running out of spoons. My team and I are early eaters, so we're usually among the first to show up... and even then, we often didn't get spoons. Apparently this was a topic of much complaint and discussion at some DFAC Feedback Meeting of some sort. And then magically, there were plenty of spoons again.

Whew! Crisis averted.

And then the knives went missing.

Yup, for a week or two, we'd go to get silverware only to find an absence of knives. Kinda made it difficult to eat porkchops, ya know? Maybe they melted down knives to make spoons? I don't know. But then the knife situation reversed itself and we've got knives again, no problem.

Well, now we're out of napkins.

Can I just say, AW, COME ON! REALLY? You can't make this stuff up.

In lieu of napkins, they've helpfully placed tissue boxes on all the tables. The boxes are colorfully decorated and nice to look at, but if you've ever tried to use a kleenex after eating BBQ ribs, you know they're not exactly up to the task. The good news is my comedy-war novel is just writing itself.

Don't worry about sending me any napkins in the mail. I'm sure they'll find a new napkin supplier soon. But I fully expect to walk into the DFAC next week and discover they've run out of chairs.