Stories I Didn't Tell

It has been suggested that this blog didn't fully tell the story of what it's like to be here in Kabul, that I perhaps left out certain stories which might make certain readers nervous (Hi Mom!) or that the content may have been slightly sanitized.

Um, maybe a little.

The truth is, my time in Kabul really was largely mellow, safe and uneventful, so I really don't have a lot of exciting danger-stories to share. Plus, I wrote this blog as a way to describe the daily experience of life in Kabul for my friends and family (and assorted internet strangers). I was aiming to provide a bit of psychological comfort, helping my dear readers envision daily life here at Camp Cupcake. Dwelling on the rare negatives wasn't consistent with my objectives. But now that I'm not in Kabul anymore, I guess I could share the following:

Yes, it was a sad and scary day when I heard about the two US officers - including a Lt Col - who were shot execution-style in an Afghan ministry building. I'd never met either of the guys, but you bet I identified with them both. Definitely shook me up.

Yes, there was a day when I spent 90 minutes outside the gate in my body armor, holding a checklist and walking up to a steady stream of vehicles carrying Afghan officials and their armed colleagues. "Are you on the list, sir? OK, go on over there." Not my favorite Afghan activity, I promise. Plus, it was raining. And cold. And I'm not sure how helpful my armor and helmet would have been if a car had gone boom or if a rogue security guy decided I was a convenient target. But again - I only had to do that once.

Yes, we heard some very large, very close booms on April 15th. And lots of gunfire. I jumped once or twice, said a bad word or two, and put on my body armor and helmet in record time. Not the most fun way to spend the afternoon, and not a story I was in a rush to tell.

But that's about it. Honest. Most of my time truly was pretty much as I described it here - sometimes funny, sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes dull, sometimes lonely, sometimes frustrating and sometimes bad smelling. But if I focused mostly on the positives on this blog, well, that's because I focused mostly on the positives during the whole deployment. Also because there really weren't very many scary moments.

AfghanDanistan Has Left The Country

I'm home now. My Afghan adventure is over. I'm sure I'l have a few more posts, with more photos and observations in the relatively near future.

But not just yet. For now, I'm just focused on being home.

It's wonderful.

I (Didn't) Get Around

I didn't get to see much of Afghanistan while I was here, which is just fine with me. Mostly. Part of me does wish I'd been able to get out a bit more.

The decision to refrain from battlefield tourism was a deliberate one, motivated as much out of a desire to not expend resources unnecessarily and to not expose a drive team to danger as any sense of personal safety. But yes, part of the calculus here had to do with the risk of IED's versus the opportunity to take a few pictures.

The few times I was able to get out and see some of the city were definitely interesting. The place looks like nothing I've ever seen in the US. The word "crumbling" pretty much describes the predominant architectural style. The donkey carts, women in burkas and soldiers everywhere created an ambiance that wasn't quite appealing or welcoming, but at the same time held an undeniable fascination.

Will Work For Chicken

This is Marissa. She's five years old, and I met her on the road to Camp Eggers one day as I headed over there for lunch with some buddies.

There are lways kids on that road, carrying scarves and bracelets to sell. But Marissa didn't want to sell me anything. Instead, as we walked side-by-side and I asked her name, she offered to be my bodyguard. OK, I said. I could use a big bodyguard like you. That made her giggle.

She was quite good at her job. As the other kids approached with their scarves and bracelets, Marissa held out a hand and said "No touch!" The kids backed off. "You bring me chicken?" she asked as we prepared to part ways. "When you come back, you bring me chicken?"

"Uh, I'll see what I can find." I'm not sure what sort of chicken other people may have brought her. All I could find to bring her was a Clif Bar. She seemed pretty happy to get it when I met her on my way back, even though it wasn't chicken.

Marissa's English was excellent. She told me she learns English in school. I asked how old she was and when she told me she was 5, I said "Wow, that's so big!" That made her giggle too. She has a great giggle.

It's hard to imagine letting a 5 year old wander around on a street like she did, interacting with foreign soldiers. Her older sister (and maybe some brothers) were nearby, but even still, it's a very different life than anything my daughters ever experienced. I wonder what her life will be like after the troops are gone. I wonder what her life - and her country - will be like in 10 years. I hope she gets lots of chicken.

Transient Quarters

Q - Why do Indian Fakirs sleep on a bed of nails
A - Because the springy mattresses in the KAIA transient tents are w-a-y too uncomfortable!

When I first arrived in Afghanistan, I spent a night in the transient quarters at KAIA. For those who aren't familiar, these quarters consist of rows and rows of dirty little tents, each with ten sets of bunk beds inside. In November I arrived late at night, so by the time I got to the tent it was dark and crowded. And cold. And disorienting. Yeah, not a great first impression.

On my way out, things were different. I was able to get to the tent by 4:00, I was well rested and I kinda knew my way around. The lights were on and the beds were empty - so that was an improvement. Plus the weather was warmer and there was no trash scattered around the tent this time. The fact that I was heading in an outward direction was also a big improvement, as you could imagine.

Each bed has a "mattress," although we'll use that word loosely. It's pretty much just a pile of springs that someone jammed into a thin fabric covering. No sheets - you've got to bring your own sleeping bag. No pillow either - I used my uniform shirt.

So my last night in Afghanistan wasn't exactly restful. I think I woke up around 3... and 4... and managed to stay there until around 7, when I got up and made it over to the shower can. As far as I can tell, the showers were last cleaned right around the time the brand-new mattresses were delivered. So it had been a while.

Improbable as it sounds, I managed to get clean. Then I headed out into the bright sunshine of my last day in Afghanistan. Ah, that sounds nice.

Homeward Bound

When I think about coming home from deployment, I mostly think about BWI airport and how great it'll be to see my family for the first time in 6 months. But the process of going home is actually a lot more involved than that.

The first step was to drive from HQ to Kabul International Airport (aka KAIA). But before that could happen,  I had to find out my flight information. Every leg of this journey gets scheduled at the last minute, which made it a bit difficult to plan ahead.

Two days in advance, I was told the date I'd fly out of KAIA. No time, just a date. On the day before my departure, I caught a ride up to KAIA - still not knowing what time my flight would actually take off. On the evening of the day before departure, I got the flight time for the following day... but they couldn't tell me when I'll land in Manas. And I still have no idea when I'll leave Manas... or when I'll be home.

Guess it's like they say - you only need to be able to see the next step, and you can make the whole journey that way. And I'm definitely heading in the right direction. Not long now!

Prep For Departure

When someone's deployment ends and they get to go home, we say they've "redeployed." It's a funny word, redeployed. Sounds like they're deploying again... and nobody wants that. I think going home should be referred to as getting "undeployed." That just sounds so much better. Or maybe de-deployed.

Whatever it's called, there's a lot of uncertainty about the redeployment process. Most of the arrangments (flights, etc) are made at the last minute. It's not like they didn't know 6 months ago that I'd be going home on the 12th, but they wait until the 7th to actually book anything.

And of course there are lots of pieces to the redeployment puzzle - a ground movement from HQ to the Kabul airport, compliments of the MOVECON office. Then a flight from there to Manas - maybe with a stop somewhere else inbetween, unless you luck out and get a direct flight. And once you hit Manas, it's time to hang around a while until a flight opens up to take you back to the states... with who knows how many stops in between.

As I understand it, flights out of Manas get announced at 10pm each night - be there to get the scoop, then either grab your bags and get ready to check in (for a departure at some ungodly hour), or go to bed and try again the next day.

I didn't bring a cellphone with me ('cause it wouldn't have worked over here), so coordinating details with the family while I'm enroute will be interesting. Thank goodness for the google voice option on gmail. I'll call from my laptop when I hit Turkey, Germany, Ireland or wherever else I have a stopover. But once I hit the States, I'll just walk through the gate and hope the arrival time was close to what was advertised. And then I'm pretty sure I'll cry like a baby to be back in the USA and hugging my wife and kids again.

After that, I think I want to go to Wendy's for a cheeseburger.

HOTO

There are lots of new terms and acronyms around here, and one of my favorites is HOTO (pronounced hoe-toe). It stands for Hand Over / Take Over, and it refers to the process of transferring responsibility from a departing person to an incoming person. As you might imagine, the HO part is more fun than the TO part.

My predecessor and I overlapped by several days, so he walked me through a lot of parts of the job. Naturally, much of the learning required actually doing it, and of course a lot of things have changed in the past 6 months, but it was nice to be able to have that face-to-face HOTO.

My replacement won't be quite so lucky. He's currently scheduled to arrive 3 days after I 'm scheduled to leave. We may overlap in Manas, but no guarantee there. It's not an unusual situation - as far as I can tell, people have about a 50/50 chance of an in-person HOTO.

So I'm writing a lot of notes, doing a lot of email and training other people in the office so they can do the face-to-face portion in my absence. The biggest downside is that I won't be able to introduce him to the various people around base he'll need to work with. But the good thing is it's such a small base, he'll meet them all within the first week anyway. Also, this job isn't terribly technical or tricky, so I'm confident he'll pick it up just fine.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

In the six months that I've been here, a lot has changed.

The air quality got better and the food quality got worse.
They finished construction on the front gate and closed the back gate (used to spend a lot of time at that back gate).
My team went from four guys who were all younger than me to three guys who are older (but still lower-ranking) than me.
I wore the Air Force ABS-G uniform when I first got here. Then I changed to the Army style OCP's.
The current Chaplain is the third one in the past 6 months.

At first, I spent a lot of time escorting visitors around late at night. Now we don't do that as often - and when we do, it's usually a lunch event.
At first, the US side of the JVB was downstairs and we had limited interaction with them. Now they're upstairs with us and we've become quite close.
At first, a German General and an Italian General both had offices on my floor. They've both moved on and not been replaced.
At first, there was only one female officer in the office - a Colonel. Now we've got 5 ladies in the office - mostly Air Force Captains, as it turns out.
Early on, I hardly ever missed a day at the gym, and my workouts were fairly varied. Now I'm much more likely to skip a day, and most of the time I just go for a run - pretty much because I found myself doing what I want to do.

When I got here, I remember thinking that when I left Afghanistan, things would be pretty much the same as when I got here. In a lot of ways, that's true. But it turns out, lots of things did manage to change.

Motivated, Motivated, Motivated - SIR!

I had lots of goals when I got here. Get in shape. Save some money. Learn a lot. Meet interesting people. Get some writing done. Make a difference. Watch all 4 seasons of Arrested Development. Stay alive. You know, just typical deployment objectives. Happy to report I pretty much hit all of them.

And now that my deployment is coming to an end, there aren't a lot of goals left. There are still some photos I want to take, some things I want to write and people I want to drink coffee with, but the main goal now is just to pack up and have a smooth hand-over to my replacement. Which means my motivation to do stuff has diminished a bit.

So I'm not the first guy in the office in the morning anymore. I've handed off most of my responsibilities to other people, and my days aren't nearly as full as they were even a month ago. I'm hitting the gym 4 times a week instead of 6 or 7 - focus now is on maintaining my progress, not getting any faster, sleeker or stronger.

It's a weird feeling, to run low on goals. Now my objectives and future planning is oriented towards stuff I'll do back in the states: inprocessing, outprocessing, spending time with the family, getting ready to move... not necessarily in that order. But it's good to know that I did what I came here to do. Now it's time to focus on the next big adventure. And this time, I'll get to do it with my family by my side.

What To Do?

Had a brief moment of confusion the other day as I thought about being home again. Specifically, I wondered what I would do with all that time.

Sure, there will be grocery shopping, cooking, yardwork and preparing to move, plus final trips to various DC attractions. And of course there's inprocessing to do, a PT test to take and all that. But I'm sure there will also be times after putting the kids on the school bus where I'll have free time.

I'll have to get used to being less busy. Sounds good to me.

Telugu in 30 Seconds A Day

Here's me and Rakesh, the Indian guy who works at the DFAC's front door. He is responsible for checking people in, making sure we swipe our badges, etc. He doesn't always wear that hat - it was Indian Food Night when we took this picture, so he dressed up.

Anyway, for the past few months he's been giving me Telugu lessons in 30-second increments, three times a day.

What's that? You haven't heard of Telugu? No, it's not some cool martial art. It's a central Dravidian language spoken in India. With 70 million native speakers, it's number 15 on Wikipedia's list of languages by number of native speakers (English is #3, behind Mandarin and Spanish).

So far, I've learned to say good morning (suprabad), good afternoon (mhedi anum) and good evening (siam car). I can say How are you? (baghanara?)and I am fine (baghananu). I can even say I am very, very good (challa challa baghananu). Spelling is all approximate, of course - it's not like I have a text book or anything. And Rakesh has told me about many more words, but that list is pretty much the only ones I really remember.

Rakesh is an enthusiastic teacher and I've really enjoyed our brief interactions. Just one more under-reported benefit of life here at ISAF.

UPDATE: I emailed the picture to Rakesh and he told me the next day he posted it on his FB page and got lots of comments. That's pretty awesome.

Combat Food

I seem to have a food theme going on here.

Here's me holding an American MRE with a Croatian ration, compliments of my buddy Srecko who left the ration behind when he went back home. Yes, the Croatian one is enormous but I think it's supposed to last all day, while the American one is just a single meal (although I can attest that eating more than one MRE in a day is pretty much the definition of a bad day).

And speaking of bad days, during the May 15th attack, when rockets were bursting in air and we were on lock down, we opened the Croatian ration (that's fun to say - croatian ration, croatian ration). We - and by "we" I mean "I" - opened it partly out of curiousity and a lack of things to do, and partly because dinner-time came and went and we were getting a bit hungry (and by "we" I still mean "I").

Here's a picture of what we found inside:

The "honey biscuits" were tasty - sort of like graham crackers, but with a hint of ginger. The package with the camo pattern is crackers. I can tell you, that's a lot of crackers. The canned meat and pate we left alone. The chocolate bar was unfortunately in bad shape - I opened it and decided life is too short to eat chocolate that looks like that.

Despite the opportunity to dine on international cuisine - an opportunity I rarely pass up - I actually ate a little bowl of microwave macaroni and cheese for dinner that night. And then around 8:30, someone brought over a big box of meals from the DFAC, so I ate pasta and meatballs too, which were quite tasty.

New Lunch

OK, I know I just said I've pretty much run out of new experiences. Turns out that wasn't entirely accurate.

A few days ago, I had a quite tasty lunch at an Afghan restaurant located right next to the US Embassy... and unbelievably, it was my first time eating there. I'm so embarrassed I didn't make it over there sooner & more often.

See, I really like Afghan food. And there's a fantastic little Afghan restaurant near my house in Virginia - wonderful food, can't wait to eat there again soon. But during my time in Kabul, most of my meals have been served in the DFAC. I really haven't eaten a lot of local cuisine.

Part of the reason is that the DFAC is close by and free. In contrast, the Afghan restaurant is about a 10 minute walk and my lunch cost a whopping $5 for more food than I could eat. When the weather was cold and snowy, walking over to the Embassy was rather unappealing. But now that the temp's are fine and everything is dry, I think I'll do it more often. Definitely worth the ten minutes and five bucks.

On The Glide Slope

Alert readers may have noticed a lack of recent posts here at AfghanDanistan. While previous shortages of new updates had been attributed to a particularly busy time period, I don't have the same excuse this time.

The thing is, having spent over 5 months in country, I'm sort of running out of new experiences to write about, new observations to share and new developments to comment on. When I first got here, everything jumped out at me as noteworthy and unusual, from the gravel to the laundry to the shops. But by now, I've basically seen and done about as much as I'm going to see and do.

I've achieved most of my goals already, so at this point my focus is pretty much oriented on getting ready to go home. So I'm packing up, putting stuff in the mail, filling out paperwork, writing notes for my predecessor and handing my responsibilities off to people who will be here longer than I will. Very exciting stuff to do... but maybe not so exciting to read about.

Going home, of course, will be a new and exciting experience. I'm sure I'll have stuff to say about that. But I'm not *quite* at the point where I'm actively preparing to depart. I've got about 23 days still before I say farewell to Kabul, which is a slightly awkward amount of time, blog-wise.

But don't worry - when I get to Manas I'm sure I'll have a story or two to share. Hopefully it won't involve me getting hit in the nose by another helmet.

It's Getting Rank In Here

It's fascinating to see all the different types of rank insignia around here. Armies and Air Forces from around the world are remarkably diverse in the ways they adorn their shoulders.

I've seen pips, crowns, stars, swords, leaves, diamonds, birds, bars, stripes, wreaths and braids. In the German army, silver insignia means mid-level officers while gold insignia means a General... unless it's gold stripes - that's for enlisted personnel. In the US of course, gold and silver are reversed in precedence - a silver oak leaf means Lt Colonel, which outranks the gold oak leaf of a Major.

Here's a collection that shows some of the variety in NATO ranks -and most of the insignia with stars do not represent Generals (I mostly picked Lt Col ranks, except where other ranks looks a lot more interesting).

I love the one with the tank on it (that's a Czech General), and there's something about the Canadian maple leaves just strikes me as almost friendly - despite the sword.

The Bulgarian rank progression (on the left) is one of the few where higher ranks have less on their shoulders rather than more. Most of the time, the rule of thumb is that more stuff equals higher ranks.

And speaking of more, did you know a French four star general actually wears seven stars on each shoulder? Yup.

And now we come to Naval ranks, where some sort of conspiracy seems to be at work. Almost every Navy in NATO puts a stripe & loop rank like this on their officers:

I'd love to know the story behind this. Why are Army & Air Force rank insignia so different from country to country, while Navy ranks are almost identical? How did that even happen? It certainly looks like they all got together in a room one day and agreed that Naval officers should standardize. Kinda weird.

Workin' On My Fitness...

Along with getting some writing done, I've been working out a lot during my time here in Kabul. I think the last time I was in this good shape was right before I went off to ROTC field training, in 1992.

In the past four months, I've lost about 15 pounds, cut 5 minutes off my 10K run time, earned the "Tour of Afghanistan" cardio challenge t-shirt and progressed from being able to do a set of 3 pull-ups to a set of 7 pull-ups. I also cut about a minute off my 1.5 mile run time, which translates to scoring a 97 on the AF fitness test - last time I scored 91.

Even better than all that is the psychological improvements. When I went to run the New Years Even 10K run, I have to admit the thought of such a distance was a slightly scary prospect. Now I do 6 miles regularly, no big deal. On Saturday, I ran 7 miles in about 55 minutes - and enjoyed it. Planning to go for 8 soon.

Same thing happened with pull-ups -I hadn't done that type of exercise in a long time, and found them slightly intimidating and painful. Now I look forward to doing them.

I know that once I get back to the states, I won't be able to spend as much time working out as I do now, and that's alright. I do plan to keep up the running as much as I can, but I'll have much better things to spend my time on.

Writing Update

One of my goals for this deployment was to get some writing done. Specifically, I wanted to expand beyond writing for Defense AT&L magazine. I'd published 60-ish articles there and felt it was time to broaden my horizons, particularly since AT&L decided to stop printing and mailing actual magazines and is instead just posting the PDF's on their website.

So... how'd that go? Here's the rundown:

Two articles for National Defense magazine (here's the other one)
Two posts for Time magazine's Battleland blog.
One article for Armed Forces Journal (coming out soon!)
One article for the 2012 British Army Yearbook (to be presented to the British House of Commons in June)
One article for Analog magazine - REJECTED! Yup, that's all part of being a writer
One article for Mental Floss - still waiting for a reply - another fun part of being a writer

Didn't get paid for any of those, but that's alright. I'm getting some ideas (and my name!) out there into the internetz, and maybe someday I'll get paid for stuff I write.

And speaking of that, I've got about 30,000 words done on a currently untitled book about defense acquisition. Not sure what sort of publishing route I'm going to take on that one, but I'm thinking about using Kickstarter to generate some support.

What's still in the works? Well, finishing the book, for starters. And I really should get working on the novel for my kids. I'm going to try again with Mental Floss, under the assumption that the original submission isn't going to make the cut. Planning to write something new for Battleland, and maybe something for SIGNAL magazine.

But with less than 45 days left, I'm not sure how much more stuff I'll get done before I head back home!

RHIP

I was over at Camp Eggers the other day, when I came across this sign on the front of a tent, located just outside the Distinguished Visitor quarters. First, here's the tent:

And now, here's a zoomed in look at the sign.

This tent is for Field Grade Officers only - yeah, that's right, rank has its privileges, even over here.

I suspect the interior of the tent is just as nice as the exterior.

I'd hate to see where we put the junior enlisted guys.

Up On The Roof....

Happened to glance over at the roof of a local building here on the ISAF compound, and noticed something strange. Yes, that's some kind of wheeled vehicle... on the roof... with its front tires propped up along the edge of the roof.

So many questions. So very many questions.

Good News!

I'm an optimist by nature, and I generally think things in Afghanistan (for example) aren't as bad as they sometimes sound (same goes for things in the US, for that matter). The news has a well-known bias towards disaster, with the whole "if if bleeds, it leads" metality.

So, I was pretty happy when I recently heard some encouraging news about progress that's being made for Afghan women. Specifically:

In 2001, there were 50,000 girls in school. That number is now over 3 million.


The life expectency for women in 2012 is 20 years higher than it was in 2001.

Yes, there's a lot of progress still to be made here. There are still plenty of problems with poverty, illiteracy and the like. But some things are better - MUCH better - than they were 10 years ago. And that's a good sign. Now the trick is to keep those trends going...

Dirty Sheets, Done Dirt Cheap

It seems like every time I try to change the sheets on my bed, itI have to make multiple trips to the laundry to get it right.

For example, I recently returned to my cell with what I thought was fresh sheets. But when I unfolded them and tried to put them on my bed, this is what I saw:

EWWW!

Apparently, after the local laundry dude brought these sheets down to the river and rubbed it with a smooth rock, he or she then dropped it in a mud puddle... and then folded it up... and then gave it to me.

After taking a moment to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing (and snapping a photo for posterity), back to the laundry room I went. The guy behind the counter was very apologetic and gave me a new one. Having learned my lesson, I checked it as soon as he gave it to me. Guess what - this sheet had spent some time in that same puddle. Same with Try #3. We eventually found a clean set, which I'm now sleeping on. 

Given the track record, I'm not sure I want to trade these in... ever. Who knows what I'll get next time.

Stuff I'm Looking Forward To

And now, a somewhat random list of odd things I'm looking forward to, once I get back to the states.

1) Using my right front pocket. That's where I used to keep my keys and a pen, but these days that pocket is entirely blocked by the pistol on my belt. Hard to get in there, so I've moved stuff to my left pocket.

2) Paying for a meal. I know, I know, three free meals a day sounds like a good deal, but like they say, he who pays the piper calls the tunes. Since I'm not paying, I don't have much say in what goes on my plate. Yes, they have two or three entrees at a time, but that's different than being able to a) pick a restaurant and b) pick something off a menu.

3) On that note, Variety. Every day out here is pretty much the same. Yes, Sunday is church and Friday is a half-day, but even then those days end up being a lot like Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays... you get the picture.

4) Also on that note, I'm looking forward to saying something other than "See you tomorrow" at the end of the day. Don't get me wrong, my team is great and I love them. But how cool will it be to say "See ya in a couple days" for a change?

5) Barefoot showers. You really don't want to take a shower here without flip flops or some other type of aquatic-friendly footwear on, although some guys do inexplicably leave their flip flops outside the shower stall (seriously?!?). Guess they don't want to get them wet? But it'll be nice to have a shower where I don't need flip flops.

6) Real buildings. Most of the buildings I'm in - both to work and to sleep - are constructed out of these 8 x 18 containers stacked on top of each other. The HQ building has real walls, but its construction is so rough that it doesn't feel like much of a step up.

Of course, there's plenty of other things I'm looking forward to, but that's some of the less obvious stuff.

Medal Parade

On Sunday, 18 March, I stood in a formation with nearly 200 other troops, from 18 different countries, to receive the NATO medal. It was quite an experience, even though the General who pinned it on me called me Dave.

When I first got to ISAF and heard about these medal parades, I thought they sounded kinda corny. Frankly, I've never quite understood the allure of military medals and ribbons. After serving over here for four months, my opinion has done a 180. I was glad to stand in those ranks and will certainly wear that medal with pride.

I have to admit, seeing myself in that photo feels a little weird. It just looks so... military. I guess what I'm saying is it looks more military than I feel. But there's no getting around it - I'm a military dude after all. Not to the same extent as some of the gung-ho Army soldiers or Marines I've known, but certainly enough to be standing there in front of the HQ building, shoulder to shoulder with my brothers and sisters in arms.

Rest In Peace, My Friend

On Friday, a Turkish helicopter crashed in Kabul, killing all 12 aboard. This morning I found out one of those guys was a friend of mine.

Maj Sukur Bagdatli was my counterpart over at Camp Warehouse. He ran one of the many regional Joint Visitor's Bureaus that I work with on a daily & weekly basis, and was one of the sweetest, friendliest guys I've met over here. All the Turks I've known have been remarkably generous and full of hospitality. Sukur stood out even among that crowd.

He'd recently come back from an R&R trip to France with his wife and 3-year-old daughter. He brought me back some Turkish coffee, a copper coffee pot and a set of two elegant coffee cups. A month previous to that, he'd brought a big box of baklava to my office, which I think my team devoured in about 30 minutes.

Since we were based out of two different camps in the Kabul area, I'd only met Sukur face to face three or four times. Most of our discussions were on VTC or email. But he'd invited me and my office to go to his camp for a Turkish dinner this evening. I couldn't believe it when I saw his name on the list of the crash victims.

Sukur was due to finish his deployment in early April.

Been there, run that, got the t-shirt

I've spent a lot of time in the gym since I got here, for reasons of mental and physical health. Fortunately, my work hours are flexible enough that I'm able to get there just about every day.

I'm quite happy with the results so far. Aside from losing a few pounds, I've also shaved 5 minutes off my 10K run time, just since New Years. In fact, when I did the 10K run on New Years Eve, I have to admit I felt a little apprehensive about the distance. Now most days I whip through a 10K run no problem.

And I finally finished the "Tour of Afghanistan" gym challenge - thus the t-shirt in this photo. This challenge involved running, biking or rowing 1730 km, which is apparently the total distance of a loop connecting several key Afghan cities..

In order to provide some balance between the three types of locomotion, running and rowing distances are multiplied by three, while biking one kilometer just counts as one kilometer. So really I just ran and rowed (mostly ran) 567K.

And I know it's just a t-shirt, but I have to say that as much as I enjoy running, knowing that I was working towards this goal definitely helped keep me going to the gym... and got me running farther than I might have otherwise. And now that it's done, I'm going to celebrate by taking a few days off. My next challenge is to decrease my 1.5 mile time and increase my push ups & sit ups, since I'll have to take a PT test when I get back to the states.

New Friends

I had breakfast the other day with Tahir, a LtCol from the Pakistan Army. It was a real pleasure to meet him, compliments of my Croatian buddy Srecko (turns out Tahir speaks Croatian and he'd met Srecko a while ago)

I have to admit I was a little surprised the first time I saw Pakistan soldiers in the ISAF camp, given the tensions between our countries (not least of which is the current border situation). But sharing a meal with him was just a very natural thing to do.

As we ate and talked, he mentioned that his family sees the news and gets worried about his safety. He reassures them with the fact that ISAF HQ is a very safe posting. That scenario sounded so familiar to my own situation - the universality of our experience was a real bonding event.

So I've invited him to come to the juggling class. He sent me an email with some beautiful photos of Pakistan's mountains and landscapes. I'm very much looking forward to getting to know him more. I've said it before, but building these international relationships is one of the coolest (and maybe even most important) things about being over here.

Standards

One of the interesting things about working in this international environment is all the different grooming and appearance standards - even among the US troops.

There are more than a few American military types running around with beards, which is always interesting to see (I'll try to grab some photos). They're generally in jobs that involve directly interacting with Afghans, and so for cultural reasons they get to skip shaving.

But this ponytail is something you never see accompanying an American uniform. It belongs to a soldier from the Czech Republic. Her name is Lucy - I met her when she came to juggling class. Some of the female Swedish troops have blonde versions of the same coiffure, and there's even a German troop with pink streaks in her hair.

It's always a little startling to see stuff like that accompanying a military uniform, but I think it's cool to have a little variety and personal expression.

I'm Back!

I've always made a point of not apologizing for infrequent blog posts. I mean, it's bad enough I haven't posted recently, but then I'm going to subject my readers to some lame excuse on top of that? I figure people want to read interesting stuff, not apologies.

So... let me just say it's actually kind of a good sign that I haven't posted much lately. It means I've been pretty busy, which is a good thing. Not being busy would be a drag (tho tonight I was busy with computer problems at work, so that was the wrong kind of busy).

But time is moving along nicely and picking up speed. With a little over two months left, I've come to realize I will leave Afghanistan before I finish reading all the books I brought with me. And I probably won't even get to watch all the movies I wanted to watch. That's ok - I wouldn't be interested in staying here a little longer just so I could catch up with some films. But I will finish the "run around Afghanistan" gym challenge in just three more workouts. Then I'll get a t-shirt (watch this space for photos!).

I hope your days haven't been too bereft or empty in the absence of new posts here at AfghanDanistan. Just know that I've been keeping busy. And that's a good thing.

Ok, just in case you really want to hear it, I apologize for not writing more often. I'll try to do better. ;)

Tasty!

One of the guys went out and bought 10 loaves of this flat Afghan bread. It's kinda like Indian naan, but a little tougher. Quite tasty - some of us put Nutella on it, others went with jam or peanut butter or just ate it straight up.

A nice change of pace and a nice taste of the local area.

Naturally, I had to pose with a couple big pieces.

Snow Damage

 We've had a lot of snow around here lately, although the warm temps over the past few days are helping make it go away. I had to laugh when I saw a bunch of workers out shoveling the outdoor volleyball court last week, as if anyone could really play in the cold weather we were still having. And of course, the next day we got another four inches - so much for the cleared off court.

As clever readers might expect, some of the snow actually settled onto the roofs of some of the buildings. This highly unusual distribution of frozen precipitation had never happened before and was obviously unexpected by the people who built these buildings. Snow? On a roof? Unheard of!

Naturally, temps rose and fell, things thawed and re-froze, resulting in the icy overhanging configuration you see in the picture to the left. I realize the zoom doesn't fully convey the scale, but we're talking about more than a foot of overhanging icy snow.

You can imagine what happened next. As more and more snow accumulated, thawed, re-froze and slid around on the roof, eventually it just ripped the gutters right off.

Nice! I've always thought gutters were one of the worst designed elements of a house, what with the way they get all full of leaves, twigs, ice, etc. But fortunately, that problem is now solved for this particular building. Now that the gutters are on the ground, they'll be much easier to clean out. Maybe I'll do that at my house too.

I'm just glad I wasn't in the building when these things came down. It must have been pretty noisy...

News

I wrote this post several days ago, before the recent events. Figured I'd post it anyway.

Back in the world, I used to watch the news with Kim pretty much every day. In fact, we'd usually watch two evening news shows, plus the Daily Show (which was always the most informative of the bunch).

But I haven't seen Brian Williams or John Stewart in lo these many days, except for an occasional Daily Show clip on Facebook. I get most of my news from websites, and I flip through a free copy of the Stars and Stripes newspaper once or twice a week. We also have the BBC or Aljazeera on periodically, but with the volume turned down so I don't catch a lot of the details.

Then again, I don't need to watch the news 'cause I'm kinda living it. Stuff that I hear about in the morning staff meeting ends up on the news later that day. Or not... which is a whole other kind of interesting.

There's so much more going on over here than gets reported on TV. Like when the NATO guys go out and rescue Afghans who got trapped in the snow. Or when we arrange for a detainee's medical treatment, then bring his family in to see that he's recovering nicely. Or the humanitarian missions of blankets and food. Or how often our missions capture bad guys with no shots fired. Or the enormous effort we're putting into things like gender equality or civilian casualty reduction. Or even the sports diplomacy.

I've always known the news can't capture the whole story, and any time I've had first hand knowledge of something reported on the news, there have always been things that don't quite line up with my recollection. And of course reporting the news is a tough gig. But it is interesting to be on this side of things and to see behind the curtain a bit.

International Cooperations

One of the coolest things about being here at Camp Cupcake is the diversity of the population. Some places around here (e.g. Camp Eggers) are rather homogenous US Army outposts, but the HQ has more nations represented than I can even count (I think it's 50 or 51).

 

Troops at the NATO Medal Parade

It's not just German, French and English troops -  in ice cream terms, those would be the chocolate, vanilla and strawberry options (German Chocolate, French Vanilla... guess that makes the Italians Strawberry?). We've also got a lot of Romanians, Macedonians, Turks, Malasians, - that's more like Chunky Monkey, Dublin Mudslide, Coffee Heath Bar Crunch and Cherry Garcia - in no particular order.

 

Add to that the Indian civilians who work at the DFAC and it's quite a mix. The DFAC guys from India (and it's all guys, except for the female Australian Warrant Officer who runs the place) get so excited when I say namaste to them. I'm also learning an Indian language called Telugu, in 30-second lessons, three times a day, as I chat with the guy who sits at the DFAC entrance desk. I can say how are you: bhaggannara - and I am fine: bhaggananu. I am very very good is "challa challa bhaggananu."

 

I also learned a Czech proverb today - a million things can kill a donkey. I don't know quite what that means, but I'm sure it's deep.

 

Anyway, it's impressive how well everyone gets along so well in such a heterogeneous environment. It didn't really strike me as all that unusual at first, given my background as both an American and a military guy. For most of my life I've lived, studied and worked with a diverse cast of characters, of all colors and creeds.  But the more I hear about the intense tribalism in Afghanistan, the more I think about the racial tensions in so many parts of the world, the more remarkable and admirable this HQ seems.

 

Sure, I occasionally hear someone say things like "Those guys are incredibly Italian," or "Hide the good cookies so the Germans don't come eat them all," so it's not like we're ignorant of differences between us. But one of the coolest things going on around here is the simple fact that we work together as well so well.

 

In The Dark

Because I'm generally the first one up in the morning - and because I'm a nice guy - I get dressed in the dark pretty much every day.

Well, not completely in the dark. I've got a pretty good flashlight, so that's awesome, but I don't turn the big overhead light on.

That's not as bad as it might sound. I mean it's not like I have to make sure my outfit matches, since it's the same outfit every day (sigh). But one of the things I've done to make my unilluminated mornings a little easier is roll up these little packages of tshirt, socks & boxers and stacked the rolls in my little cubby.

That way, I don't have to fish around in the dark and make sure I've got all my necessaries. Just grab one roll and I'm good to go. And yeah, that's my pistol next to the rolls (sigh again). I'm quite used to wearing it now, a mixed blessing for sure, but I promise, I won't miss carrying that thing around when I'm back in the states.

Just one more peek into the ordinary doings of life over here.

AWOL at the DFAC

A couple weeks ago, there was a conspicuous absence of spoons at the DFAC. Sure, I'd been stealing and hording spoons to sell on the black market, but I thought I was the only one (kidding!).

Anyway, nobody could figure out why they kept running out of spoons. My team and I are early eaters, so we're usually among the first to show up... and even then, we often didn't get spoons. Apparently this was a topic of much complaint and discussion at some DFAC Feedback Meeting of some sort. And then magically, there were plenty of spoons again.

Whew! Crisis averted.

And then the knives went missing.

Yup, for a week or two, we'd go to get silverware only to find an absence of knives. Kinda made it difficult to eat porkchops, ya know? Maybe they melted down knives to make spoons? I don't know. But then the knife situation reversed itself and we've got knives again, no problem.

Well, now we're out of napkins.

Can I just say, AW, COME ON! REALLY? You can't make this stuff up.

In lieu of napkins, they've helpfully placed tissue boxes on all the tables. The boxes are colorfully decorated and nice to look at, but if you've ever tried to use a kleenex after eating BBQ ribs, you know they're not exactly up to the task. The good news is my comedy-war novel is just writing itself.

Don't worry about sending me any napkins in the mail. I'm sure they'll find a new napkin supplier soon. But I fully expect to walk into the DFAC next week and discover they've run out of chairs.

Showtime!

After the New Years Eve talent contest, I got together with a couple of the performers and we agreed it would be fun to do some kind of show. Well, last night we definitely did some kind of show.

It was pretty fantastic. We had 11 performers from 4 different countries... and a packed house. The show was mostly musical acts, although we had demonstrations of salsa dancing and tango dancing, and of course I did some juggling. I was also the main coordinator and MC, so I'd briefly introduce each performer and made sure they all knew when they were up next. I'd initially hoped we'd be able to fill an hour. The show lasted for two hours.

We've got some amazingly talented people around here. Judy, who is from London but was raised in Nigeria, sang a fantastic version of Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You. She really pulled it off. A guy named Mike brought the house down when he sang Georgia on My Mind, and we even had a last minute addition of an Army Colonel who walked in cold and got recruited to sing One In A Million (and had all the ladies fanning themselves). My buddy Nihar from the British Embassy brought his band and totally rocked Hotel California, among other tunes.

I did two sets of juggling - one solo and one shorter set with my German friend Heino. Very smooth, no major drops, and unlike the New Years Eve show, this time I got to tell my jokes and stories, which got laughs at all the right places.

Being on stage was a blast. Definitely a morale boost for the performers as well as for the audience. We're hoping to take the show on the road and do a repeat performance at the British Embassy and maybe at Camp Eggers. I didn't get any pictures yet (turns out my cheap digital camera kinda stinks for this sort of thing), but I saw lots of cameras in action and I hope to get my hands on some pictures. I'll share when I get them.

Decorated Forklift

Saw this forklift tooling around the compound the other day and had to snap a photo. The back of the cab is all tricked out with garland, a Happy New Year 2012 sign, some bells and other festive decorations. It was a whimsical touch in an otherwise utilitarian environment, and it made me smile.

Uniform Decorations

Here at the Joint Visitor's Bureau, our job involves handling logistics (billeting, transportation, security, etc) for incoming VIP's.

We also play a lot of foosball.

So, we decided it would be cool to design our own patch, in keeping with the AF's roll-your-own tradition of squadron patches.

The resulting patch came out looking pretty sweet. The red, white & blue guy in the middle is a foosball player, with a white foosball at his feet. It's a little hard to tell in the pic, but it says Kabul in the red space. And the words across the bottom are our JVB motto (in Afghan national colors - black, red & green): Just Very Busy. And honestly, we are pretty busy some of the time, particularly when lots of VIP's are coming in. And some days, well, some days our foosball tournaments last longer than others.

It would have been even cooler if we'd been able to put a coffee cup into the foosball guy's hands, but I didn't think of that until later. Plus, he doesn't have hands.

Anyway, it's fun to have a uniform that accommodates patches. I should admit it's not exactly authorized in the formal sense... but there's also no reg I could find saying I can't wear it. And in certain situations I'll probably take it off, just to be safe. So far, though, nobody's objected. And if they don't like it, what are they going to to - send me to Afghanistan?

Shopping

Along with the weekly bazaar, there are a few permanent shops on the compound. There's a mini strip-mall-ish place off in one corner, where locals sell jewelry, clothing and pirated movies. The prices are a bit higher than the open-air Friday bazaar but the stuff doesn't smell quite so bad.

Then there are the PX's, run by several different nationalities. There's no US PX here - for that we have to walk over to Camp Eggers - but we do have British, Italian and Danish shops, plus a mystery one whose nationality I can't quite identify.

The PX's all take Euro's primarily (tho they'll take dollars too), and while there is some overlap in what they carry, each seems to have its own unique set of stuff. Different types of cookies and candies and toiletries in each one, of course, depending on the national preferences. Some sell baseball caps and t-shirts, some have postcards, and one even sells wine glasses, in sets of four and sets of six. Not quite sure who's buying those or what they're drinking out of them, since vino is prohibito. Interestingly, I have yet to find a single coffee mug for sale at any of the PX's.

The PX's each have a little cafe or restaurant attached. Chiano's is our favorite - it's the Italian place and it's got great espresso & pizza (though I'm still not used to drinking espresso from a small plastic cup). The hot chocolate at the Danish PX was way better than Chiano's though, while the British hot chocolate was somewhere inbetween. But hey, for 1 euro, I really can't complain.

Stuff I've Seen People Eat

It must be tremendously difficult to make the meals around here. With so many different nationalities and palates to satisfy and so many logistical limitations (shipping, etc), I'm glad they didn't put me in charge of the DFAC.

I've heard complaints that the food is not spicy enough and that it's too spicy... about the same meal. My French buddy was lamenting the lack of French cuisine. There haven't been any Romanian or Croatian dishes either, as far as I can tell. And of course the Americans complain that the food is "too European."

Along the way, it's been pretty funny to watch what peopledo  eat around here, particularly a breakfast. No kidding, I saw one guy with 6 hard boiled eggs on his plate one morning (I counted). I lost track of how many Macedonians I've seen walking around with a veritable mountain of bacon on their plates. Seriously, that can't be good for you.

Speaking of not good for you, every day at breakfast they have these little hashbrown patties. I've eaten two or three since I've been here, and I always feel a little bad about it because they're surely terrible for you. Last week, a guy in front of me loaded up his plate with five of those suckers. Ouch!

And then there's the baked beans. For breakfast. Usually spooned over toast.


Sometimes it gets pretty hilarious. They often serve a vanilla custard that has the consistency and color of nacho cheese. A Navy guy told me he inadvertently put it on broccoli once, mistaking it for cheese sauce. Yum! An Irish Major I know told a story about the time he spooned out what he thought was a bowl of lumpy oatmeal. His first mouthful revealed it was actually sausage gravy. And in case you're wondering, yes, everything is labeled... but apparently some people don't read the signs.

Of course, some of my best breakfasts have involved stuff sent from home (bagels, english muffins, maple syrup, apple butter, pumpkin bread), but there's certainly no shortage of entertainment here at the ISAF DFAC.

Ten Dollars?

I may have previously mentioned that our living facilities are cleaned by some local Afghans. And by cleaned, I mean *airquote* cleaned *close airquote* 'cause things never really get very clean around here. But the guys do mop the floor in the main hallway just about every day. I've also seen them standing around in the bathroom and shower areas, although I can't say I've seen them doing any actual cleaning in those areas and there are scant signs of progress.

Mostly I see them squatting alone in the hallway. Usually quietly singing a little tune to themselves. I have to admit, it's a tad creepy.

Determined to be a nice guy, I generally smile and nod and say hello to whichever cleaner is currently squatting in the hall. Today I thought I'd be a little more outgoing and added a "How are you?" to my greeting.

The guy stood up and shook my hand, and I though how nice, I'm connecting with this guy. Then he said "My wife" and mimed a pregnant belly, adding "Ten dollars?"

Aw, seriously? I'm getting shaken down for ten bucks just 'cause I said "How are you?" And wow, that's a little steep, but maybe he expected me to haggle with him and get down to $5. Back in DC the panhandlers usually just ask for a dollar.

I didn't give him any money and I'm sure there is no pregnant wife at home. But I was really taken aback. Here's a guy with a job asking for a handout. I'm sure we're not paying him a ton of money, but from what I've seen he's not doing all that much work either.

Anyway, just one more reminder that I'm not in the States (and not just because of how much he asked for). I think I'm going to stick with the hello's from now on...

Thoughts Of A Military Fashion Victim

Hard At Work
Modeling The OCP

I'm enjoying my new OCP uniform (aka multicam) - but it's the third type of uniform I've worn in the last two months.

It's actually an Army uniform that the AF and Navy also wear over here (and it's the same basic pattern as what the Brits wear). Apparently the plan is for all the Americans in Afghanistan to wear it, but I'm not sure they'll get around to issuing them to everyone before we leave in 2014.

This uniform differs from my AF-issued ABS-G uniform in several ways beyond the obvious pattern and color. For example, it's got a button fly and a zipper shirt - the ABS-G is the opposite. It has patches on the arms, which I really like. The pocket layout is handier and better than on the ABS-G's. The fabric is lighter (but still warm) and the overall cut just fits better. The ABS-G always felt a little dumpy, while the OCP uniform has a more tailored look.

Sadly, I won't be able to wear it back in the States. From what I can tel, the Army and Navy guys can't either - it's only authorized to wear in Afghanistan. Would now be a bad time to mention that the customs form on the box my OCP's were shipped in listed the value of the contents at $2300? Yikes! If I'd known that, I don't think I'd have requested them.

I'm going to give one set to my buddy Jon the Chaplain, so that takes the sting out a little... but wow, man, these duds aren't cheap.

Can't say I understand the decision to limit OCP's to Afghanistan. This means I'll only get 4 months of use out of it, although given how rough the laundry is around here, maybe four months is as long as they'll be serviceable.

I'd love to be able to wear this one all the time, 'cause they're WAY better than the AF ABU's we usually wear. Maybe at some point they'll make the change and have us all wearing this every day, regardless of location, but most likely I'll be out of uniform entirely by the time that happens. I guess we'll see, and in the meantime I'll get as much use and enjoyment out of them as I can.

Water, Water, Everywhere

I drink a lot of water over here - at least 4 or 5 bottles a day, sometimes 7 or more, particularly on days when I have an exceptionally sweaty workout (and yeah, that's almost every day). Fortunately, as I mentioned previously, there are stashes of bottled water everywhere around the camp - free for the taking.

It's a little hard to tell from the picture to the left (cheap camera!), the label says it's "a quality product of the Coca Cola company." That's a little bit comforting, but I think they're using the word "quality" in the Afghan sense of the word. Or to paraphrase Inigo Montoya, maybe that word doesn't mean what they think it means.

As far as I can tell the water is clean and potable, although we did just get a warning not to drink water bottled on two specific days (the bottling date is stamped on each one). 

Extra, unexpected flavors aside, there's also a lot of variation in certain aspects of this "quality product." For example, some bottles are fuller than others. Some are extremely full (i.e. all the way to the top) which makes opening the bottle a messy proposition. Sometimes the labels just fall right off, and a few times I've had bottles with two labels... which also fell off). 

If they can't get a consistent quantity of water into the bottles, it does make me wonder what other variations are tolerated in the bottling process. This hasn't stopped me from drinking it, but it does makes me appreciate the quality and consistency of American bottled products.

Gym Progress

Pretty much everyone over here aims to get in better shape during their deployment. Some of us make more progress than others, but so far I'm pretty happy with the way things are going for me.

When I first go here, I'd run for a little while, maybe 3k. Simon the Australian Army PT instructor in charge of the gym put together a nice program for me, and I gradually added to it. I'm now working towards a "Tour of Afghanistan" t-shirt. I just have to run, bike or row 1,740k and the shirt is mine.

Actually, they multiply your running and distances by three, to make them more equitable with the bike distances. So I only have to actually do 580k to get the shirt. No problem, right?

Anyway, I've upped my speed and distance so now I'm covering 8 to 10 km each day, in some combination of rowing and running. Sometimes it's a 4k row and 6k run, other times I'll just go for a full 8k or 9k run. And while I used to do a leisurely 5k in 30 minutes, now an 8k in 42 min is more typical.

The other change is that I used to run miles, but no I run kilometers. They're much easier.

Actually, I'm tracking kilometers because that's how they do the shirt. But I do like the sense of accomplishment when I do 8k. It feels like more than 5 miles.

I'd also been doing a little weight lifting, but now I've got a new program that gets more serious about weights. I like it so far - we'll see what sort of progress I'll make in that department.

Stayin' Amused

Since my typical work day goes to 7 or 8, and then I Skype with Kim for a while, I don't have a ton of time to fill most evenings. However, there are occasional blocks of free time, and fortunately there are some diversions and amusements available for just such times.

There's a movie theater that shows a film each night at 8. I've been once (it was Aeon Flux - what can I say, I'm a sucker for dystopian movies with strong female leads and comic book sensibilities).

There's also a server called Fortress, which is full of movies, tv shows and music we can download for free. I've snagged a bunch of movies, but mostly I've been watching Arrested Development. I'd seen some of the later episodes already, but most of the early stuff is new to me. I did manage to watch a few movies so far: Dinner For Schmucks, Cowboys and Aliens and Tank Girl (like I said, I dig dystopian comic book movies)

I've been doing some reading too. At the moment I'm in the middle of a detective novel attributed to "Richard Castle" (that's Nathan Fillion's character in the Castle TV show). It's fun. I'm also reading A Brief History Of Everything, by Bill Bryson, which has some of the best writing I've ever come across. I've already finished Bite Me (a vampire comedy by Christopher Moore) and The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (overrated, not gonna read the rest of that series).

Oh yeah, I also started reading a book by Thomas Merton about Zen Masters and Mystics... but it ended up a bit more academic than I was looking for. I may try it again.

Speaking of books, there are free books everywhere. I can think of at least three places with big bookshelves full of books for the taking. I've picked up one by John Le Carre and one by Christopher Moore, but haven't started them yet.

The camp has bingo every other week, and I did that once. My Croatian buddy Srecko won a very nice digital camera, and other prizes included an iPod and a 1T external hard drive. Good stuff! There's also karaoke, but I don't plan to do that anytime soon.

During the day, my guys and I sometimes manage to sneak over to the game room for some foosball or ping pong. Usually for about 20 minutes after lunch or after dinner. So I get some social fun too.

And of course there's gym time every day (except Friday - my rest day). I'll post something about the gym next time.

Keep Out!

One of the major problems here in Afghanistan is an infestation of flowers. Fortunately, these pesky flowers are literate, which is why these signs work so well. And yes, in case you'e wondering, before the snow came this sign was effectively protecting a patch of completely bare dirt.

When I read this sign, I hear Rainn Wilson's voice in my head (he's Dwight from The Office): "Keep Out, Flowers!"

Afghan Space Program

A New Zealander with the remarkable name of Grant Motley (isn't that cool?) showed up the other day wearing this awesome patch on his uniform.

As you can see in the zoomed-in photo below, it's from the Afghan Space Program.

Of course, there is no such thing... but it's a pretty cool patch. I totally want to get one. And then I need a uniform that has a spot for patches.

Gravel

Old Gravel

We got some new gravel delivered near my building. It's much nicer gravel than the old stuff. I'm so excited!

It's got more color and character, although I'm sure a few days in Kabul should knock that right out of it. But in the meantime, I'm enjoying the new stuff. Hey, we've got to take our pleasure where we can, right?

New Gravel

Sheets & Laundry

You may wonder how we handle laundry around here. Well, I'll tell you.

We've got a drop-off laundry service, and what it lacks in gentleness it makes up for in speed and convenience.

As part of my inprocessing, I was issued two mesh laundry bags. Each one has a colored tag with a number (I'm Green 801 and Green 806). When the bag is 3/4 full, you just bring it over to the drop-off point and show your number to the guy. He writes your name, initials and tag color/number on a triplicate form. One you keep, the other copies go into the bag with the clothes.

The next day, you show up with your form and they look through the shelves for your bag, which is now full of clean & folded clothing, along with the other copies of the form. They bring Green 801 to the window and check to make sure the initials on the form in the bag match my initials.

Apparently fabric softener hasn't been invented in Afghanistan yet, because my clothes come back super-charged with static and everything's a bit on the crunchy side. Plus, white fabrics are quickly turning grey. So yeah, I miss home laundry.

Sheets and blankets are exchanged one-for-one (clean for dirty). And contrary to what I expected, the sheets are not standardized, industrial sheets. They are a bizarre collection of different styles & colors.

For example, check out the photo of the pillow case I was issued a few weeks ago (I've since traded it in). Yes, it's black, and it has a weird print of a photo of some old fashioned dude in a suit and hat, along with some ladies in dresses. Seriously, who buys that (and then donates it to ISAF)?

And twice now, I've been issued a duvet cover instead of a top-sheet. That's a drag, because a) it's not quite big enough to really use as a top-sheet, b) I didn't get a duvet to go with it, c) it's got two layers and that's more than I really need, sheet-wise and d) that means I have to go back to the laundry and explain that what I really wanted was a top sheet.

So... now you know all about laundry & sheets over here. I know you were wondering.

How To Have Fun At ISAF

With so many different nations serving here at ISAF, I've enjoyed learning how to say hello in new ways. But what's really fun is greeting my international friends in a different language... than the one they actually speak.

 

For example, I like to say bon jour to the Germans and guten tag to the French. It's hilarious.

 

Alright, I don't actually do that, but it would be funny to try sometime. One thing I do say is merhaba to the Turkish troops. That always gets a big surprised face, because the Turks don't expect an American to know anything in their language. Following it up with nasilsinez (how are you?) tends to result in an invitation to drink Turkish coffee and/or a gift of a box of Turkish baklava (which my guys devoured in 30 minutes) or a big bag of Turkish hazlenuts. Turks are awesome!

 

So I'm following in my Dad's footsteps as I collect little phrases in as many different languages as I can find. Working with this international crew is definitely one of the highlights of being here.